Exhaustion!
This last month has just been hard, too much going on, too much stress, too much grief, too much pain. Not enough sleep, rest, or downtime. EXHAUSTED!
My mind, body and soul are truly exhausted to the core. I know chronic fatigue is just another side effect of my pain and emotional issues. But now I am also on a steroid pack for pain. Most people who have taken one before know, you can receive some good relief from pain with them, but you are also unable to sleep, relax, or get any rest. Which you are probably already dealing with. Just another addition to many sleepless nights and draining days.
Being tired all the time can become very taxing, it is hard to focus, and even function in a limited way. This constant state of tired gets me shaky and anxious also. It can be so frustrating! I have been looking into ways to help with this FOR A LONG TIME NOW, but nothing is seeming to work. I am so tired! I feel like I could sleep for days and then lay down only to have my mind race, with thoughts and stress taking over. I just want to sleep.
The emotional part of my restlessness is easy to explain. I just desperately want a plan and to not be so fearful of my future. It has been so bad, I feel like I cannot even write about it properly, so please forgive me for this short and probably poorly written blog post.
I know others must feel this way too. I would love any suggestions on how to manage a good night's sleep with so many things going on physically and emotionally. I am hoping that with some small amount of closure in my case, I will be able to calm down emotionally at least a little, but even this seems like it will be taking awhile. I am at least working my way there, and will hopefully be able to have some sense of stability when everything is decided.
But the physical aspect will probably be for the rest of my life, and I do not handle lack of sleep well. I do breathing techniques and meditation.(definately the most effective!) I also have some medicines that help that I take sparingly, but I hate taking pills. I have tried music, aromatherapy, skin goops, counting methods, and lots of other goofy things. They just do not work most of the time. Any suggestions are welcome.
I just want to lay down and not have spasms, not have nerve pain, to be able to stay in one position for more than 30 to 45 min. Not have to get up and down all night! Not have nightmares of being stabbed in the back! It is so frustrating; but for sure the nerve pain is the worst! Some things that you can tune out during the day amidst the hustle and bustle of life take on a whole new life when it is dark and quiet. Your mind has nothing else to think about, the shooting, fiery, electrical pains start, the spasms from not moving and everything tensing up grows intensely. The more you try not to think about them, the worse it seems to get. This is a horrible vicious cycle, and I go through it every night.
My heart goes out to everyone out there who has to deal with this, it is miserable and not talked about enough. Sleep is important! If someone you love is struggling with chronic pain, they also are probably struggling with chronic exhaustion as well. Please be patient and kind for it is very difficult.
My truth for this week: Exhaustion is real, give yourself a break, I understand how hard it can be!
Rocky
